


Do You Remember?

by CarmillaIsLifee



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Human Carmilla Karnstein, Motorcycle AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarmillaIsLifee/pseuds/CarmillaIsLifee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla made a mistake and hurt her girlfriend, Laura. One night while Laura is looking at the stars Carmilla finds her, and is determined to make it up to her. TW: Mentions of abuse and blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I have a thing for Carmilla on a motorcycle.

It was about 11:32pm when Carmilla pulled up to Laura’s house, her bikes engine waking no doubt several neighbors. She cut it off and hopped off the motorcycle, kicking out its kickstand to prop the bike up. Her hands were shaking and her heart was about to beat out of its chest as she approached the tiny girl’s door.

 

About a week before Laura had shoved Carmilla out of her way as she made her way to the school’s door, crushed that she had caught Carmilla with her hand down another girl’s pants. They had been together for close to a year, and Carmilla had cheated. Probably because Laura was saving herself for after high school, and Carmilla was known for being a horny beast.

 

Tonight she was going to make up for it, though.

 

She raised her shaky hand to the wood of the door and blew out an equally shaky breath before she knocked. A few moments later a tall man with an incredibly built body answered the door with a confused look on his face. When he saw that it was Carmilla his face immediately hardened. “Well if it isn’t the Karnstein girl who broke my daughter's heart.” Maybe she deserved that. “Hello Mr. Hollis. Is Laura home?” He raised an eyebrow and glanced behind her. “I see you brought your death machine.”

 

Carmilla was growing impatient under his scrutiny, “Laura, sir? Is she here?” He regarded her for a moment then shook his head. “As much as I’d like to tell you to stay away from her, unfortunately I don’t have a say so now that she’s 18. She’s not home, maybe you could come back another time.” Carmilla stood staring at him for a moment. “Her car is in the driveway.”

 

For the second time that night Mr. Hollis’s face morphed into one of confusion. He leaned out of the door and looked over her shoulder to see that indeed, Laura’s car was parked in the driveway. “I was just in her room, she’s not here. She might have gone for a walk, which at this hour..” He trailed off. Carmilla could feel his nervous energy.

 

“I’ll go find her and tell her to come home.” She was already turned around and making her way to her motorcycle when Mr. Hollis registered that she was leaving, “Do _not_ let her ride that bike of yours!” Carmilla chuckled to herself a bit as she strapped on her helmet. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” She said under her breath.

 

She kicked the kickstand back up and turned the key and brought the engine to life. Within a moment she was off on her search for the tiny girl that she had known her whole life. She went up and down streets, being mindful to go slow enough to really look for Laura. At about 12:27pm she began to panic a bit. Something then dawned on her and she changed direction immediately. She approached the park that attached to the elementary school and saw a tiny figure sitting lonely looking at the top of the slide.

 

She parked her bike in the closest spot to the wood chipped covered play area, hung her helmet on her mirror and made her way over to the person who was looking up at the sky. “Laura?” She asked carefully. Laura’s eye’s snapped to Carmilla’s. “There you are.” The dark haired girl said as she stuffed her hands into her black leather pants when she came to a stop at the bottom of the slide. “What do you want?” It probably came out harsher than the girl intended but she didn’t make a move to apologize. Maybe she deserved that too.

 

“I came to find you, did you walk all the way here?” Laura shook her head and gestured to a bicycle that was propped against the play equipment. “What do you want Carmilla? Whatever we had is done, I hope you know.”

“Laura I-” Laura shook her head. “Carmilla stop. We both know what you did, we both know it wasn’t right. Frankly I don’t want someone like that in my life.”

 

Carmilla looked down at her boots for a beat then looked up at Laura and studied her. The girl was sitting at the top of the slide with a sad look on her face, head tilted towards the stars. “Do you remember the last time I found you here?” Laura’s face scrunched up in thought.

 

She remembered the night very well. It was a few days after they buried her mom, and she didn’t feel right in her home. So she got on her small pink bike with a purple horn and peddled as fast as her little legs would take her. Soon she ended up at this park, and without really thinking about it she found herself at the top of the slide, much like she is now, crying and looking at the stars. The stars that a certain small brunet had told her were the best to look at if she needed guidance.

 

That small brunet had grown into the woman standing at the base of the slide, looking up at her with the same concerned eyes that mirrored the ones from all those years ago. Same spot, almost the same circumstances. Laura had felt heartbroken and lost back then and she did tonight as well. “I remember.” She stated. Carmilla nodded and did the exact thing she did back then. She ran up the slide and sat down next to Laura. This time there wasn’t enough room for the two of them though, so Laura ended up half on Carmilla’s lap.

 

She huffed and turned her attention to the sky again. “The stars are the best to look at if you ever need guidance.” Laura nodded, almost amused with the fact that a little Carmilla had sat in the same spot and told her the same thing all those years ago. “That’s why I’m here. Per your advice from what seems like a lifetime ago.” Carmilla nodded a bit. “I know I’m the reason you’re here.” Laura thought to herself for a moment then nodded. “Yeah. You are.”

 

Silence.

 

“Laura I’m sorry. I am all sorts of not the right person for you. I make you mad, I make you cry. I hurt you, I break you. I’m probably the worst influence on you. You don’t need me around, and you certainly don’t need to be wasting your tears on me. I’m not worth it.” Laura teared up at Carmilla’s words and pursed her lips, nodding a bit. “Yeah, you aren’t.” There was a pause and although Carmilla had said all those things about herself, a small part of her hoped Laura would have disagreed. “What sucks is that I’m in love with you.” Laura said as she stared intensely at the stars. Carmilla was too stunned to speak. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. I was going to tell you in a few weeks after we graduated. I was going to give myself to you completely.” She whipped her eyes. “That doesn’t matter now though, does it?”

 

Carmilla choked a bit, and only then did she realize she was crying. she grabbed Laura’s hand and sobbed into it. “I’m so sorry Laura. So sorry.” She said between sobs. Laura’s eyes never left the sky. “Do you remember what you said to me when we first started dating?” Carmilla sniffed a bit and felt loss when Laura pulled her hand away. She thought about the first few weeks of their relationship. So many things had been said, which could Laura possibly be referring to?

 

Taking Carmilla’s silence as a sign that she didn’t know what she was referring to Laura spoke up. “We were at the ice cream shop, and I had just ordered my cotton candy flavor and was about to pay when you spoke up. You were all righteous about it, you said ‘Laura, what are you doing? I got you.’ I’m sure I blushed and you kissed the side of my head and pulled out a bunched up $10 bill.”

 

Carmilla stayed silent as she listened with a fond heart to Laura telling the story of their first date. “You said, ‘I got you’ and I believed you.” Carmilla’s fond heart broke at Laura’s words. “I still do.” She said in a whisper that she hopped Laura could hear. Laura turned her gaze from the stars and looked at Carmilla with a very serious expression. “Why?” She asked. Carmilla didn’t hesitate, “Because you’re very special to me Laura, we grew up together and-”

“I meant why did you cheat.”

 

Laura again looked up at the sky. Carmilla floundered for a moment searching for the right words to say. Just as she realized that there were no right ones, Laura slid down the slide. Carmilla was dazed in a whirlwind of confusion and heartbreak that she didn’t move until she saw Laura walking her bike to the sidewalk that ran parallel to the street that would take her home. Carmilla too slid down the slide and ran over to her motorcycle, not bothering with her helmet and started it, taking off in an instant after the girl. She rolled on the street next to Laura as she walked with her bike.

 

“Laura I’m sorry! Please, you have to believe me. I am so sorry. I am an asshole, I should have never done that. I don’t even like Elsie like that, I like you.” She paused. “I love you Laura.” Laura stopped walking abruptly, causing Carmilla to brake quickly. Laura stared forward, and Carmilla desperately stared at the side of Laura’s face. “You shouldn’t have to tell me you love me in the same sentence as assuring me that you don’t like another girl. It should be special. I should be special enough to you for that.” She began walking alongside her bike again.

 

Carmilla again rolled alongside her, “You are special to me Laura. You’re the most special person I have in my life. Do you remember when we were 13 and you found the bruises on my arms, from my dad? You had enough sense about you to go to the police, and now I don’t have to worry about covering up bruises anymore. That’s when I started having feelings for you.” Laura audibly snorted. “Obviously not enough to keep your hands out of some other girls pants.” Laura kept walking, keeping her eyes trained forward.

 

This was probably the second hardest thing she’s ever had to do, the first being burying her mother. She loved Carmilla, she really did. Even after all this Laura was sure she’d always love Carmilla. They say you don’t ever really get over your first love. She was aware that Carmilla wasn’t going to leave her alone until she got home, and she was also aware that she was taking the long way. Maybe she unconsciously wanted this to last as long as possible, because when she wakes up tomorrow it’ll be over.

 

“Laura I don’t even know who I am without you. I love you that much.” Laura let this sink in. “Well right now, I don’t know who you are. You aren’t the same Carmilla from that ice cream shop. I realize that you have a past, you liked to sleep around, but I thought that stopped when we got together.”

 

Carmilla was breaking more and more with each word Laura said. “Laura I-”

 

Suddenly there was a loud pop noise that was deafening to the ears. Laura’s first instinct was to drop to the ground and cover her head, her bicycle completely disregarded. She heard a crashing sound next to her, a thump, then tires screeching and an engine taking off down the street. After a few moments she looked up and was horrified to see Carmilla laying in the middle of the street, her motorcycle on its side a few feet away from her.

 

“Carmilla?” She asked. When the dark haired girl didn’t respond Laura moved closer to her, and almost puked when she saw blood pooled around Carmilla’s middle section and her leg bent in a very unnatural way. “Carm!” She cried as she dropped down to her knees next to Carmilla’s body. Her tiny hands hovered over the girl's body, not sure if she should touch her. She didn’t realize she was sobbing until she saw tears hit Carmilla’s leather jacket. She thought quickly and pulled out her cell phone that belonged in the 90’s and dialed 911.

 

“911 what’s your emergency?” Laura took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. “My girlfriend was just hit by a car - I think. There was a pop and then a thud and - oh god.” She fought to keep the bile in her stomach as she picked up a hand that she had rested on Carmilla’s chest, only to see it covered in blood. “Is she conscious?” Came the operator's voice. “No.” Laura managed to choke out. “Where is your location?”

“We’re by the park on Maple Street!” She cried into the phone. The operator asked her to calm down. “An ambulance is in route, as well as a police officer. Can you stay on the phone with me?” Laura made a small noise of confirmation as she looked down at Carmilla’s face as it became paler than usual.

 

What seemed like years but was only a few moments later an ambulance came into view and Laura stood up to flag them down. She hung up her phone as two large men stepped out of the front of the vehicle and made their way to the back. They opened it up and grabbed the stretcher, then made their way over to Laura and Carmilla. “She’s losing a lot of blood.” Laura said in a shaky voice as one man bent down next to Carmilla, holding a flash light above her. The other man lowered the stretcher next to them. “Looks like a gunshot wound.” The first man said to the second. Laura was shocked. “A gunshot?”

 

The second man looked up at her. “Are you the one who found her?” Laura nodded her head, “Yes and I was here when it happened!”

“The operator said you mentioned a car?” Laura nodded. “I think someone hit her with their car, it sounded like crash.”

 

In a blur the men had gotten Carmilla onto the stretcher and loaded her into the back of their rig. She wasn’t conscious of her actions or what was going on until they were unloading Carmilla and she was being ushered into the emergency wing of the hospital and told to wait in the waiting room. She about lost her mind on the nurse who told her that she couldn’t go back with Carmilla, who was being led into emergency surgery.

 

Hours later Laura was sitting in a chair staring at the white wall in front of her holding a cold coffee, when the doctor approached the room. “Carmilla Karnstein?” He called. Laura stood and walked over to him completely alert. “I’m here for her.” She said. “Only you?” He asked somewhat confused. Only then did Laura notice that no one had shown up after the nurse had undoubtedly called her emergency contacts. “I guess. What happened? Is she alright?” The doctor had a grim look on his face.

 

“She’s in critical condition, we lost her twice on the table, but we were able to revive her. She has four broken ribs, two fractured ones. Her lungs were crushed, but not enough to kill her. She was shot in the chest, just barely scraping her heart, the bullet traveled all the way through. Her leg is broken, and she’s lost a lot of blood. She has severe head trauma as well. She’s in the ICU wing right now, waiting to go into another surgery to try to see what we can do about the scraping on her heart from the bullet. She’s honestly very lucky to be alive right now.”

 

Laura felt sick. All of the news the doctor gave her made her heart break over and over. The absurdity of the amount of things that had happened to Carmilla made it almost seem not real. The doctor gave her arm a squeeze and then he walked away, leaving her to sit back down and wait.

 

Another few hours past and the same doctor came out and told her that the surgery went well, and that she could go into Carmilla’s room and see her if she wanted, but that she was in a medically induced coma and would wake up when she wanted to. Laura was very numbly led down the halls to her room, 307. When the door was opened for her and she saw Carmilla laying there she lost her composure and sobbed. She sat on a chair next to Carmilla’s bed and sobbed for what seemed like hours. Eventually when the sun had risen in the sky and Laura couldn’t cry anymore, she called her father and told him what happened.

 

Later in the day he stopped by, and tried to convince Laura to come home and at least shower. He pointed out to her that her pants were stained with blood and one of her hands had dried blood on it still. She probably looked like a killer straight out of a horror movie, she thought.

 

Her dad eventually convinced her to go home, and on the way they passed by the park, and Laura saw that there were police officers, a small crane, a firetruck and a familiar pickup truck. They were lifting Carmilla’s now trashed motorcycle onto the bed of the truck, and sure enough Laura saw the police officers questioning William Karnstein. The firefighters were using the fire hydrant nearby to pressure wash the blood off of the pavement. Laura had been feeling a bit better before, but the sick feeling made its way into her belly again.

 

She showered and dressed herself, then grabbed her keys and made her way back to the hospital. The rest of the week and that weekend went like this. On Monday she was very much like a zombie, and found herself staring out the windows of her classes rather than paying attention. This too lasted the same way until Friday after her last class Danny Lawrence came up to her. “Hey Laura, how are you?” She said with an oddly sickening smile. Danny is the one that told Laura to go into the library the day she caught Carmilla. Danny is also Laura’s first girlfriend. She had always suspected Danny hadn’t got over her though.

 

“Considering my girlfriend is in the hospital broken and in a coma I’m not well.” She said, her voice full of sarcasm. “I thought you two broke up?” Danny said rather insensitively. “Yeah well considering I witnessed her almost die, that changed.” Laura had made it up in her mind that when Carmilla woke up she’d tell her that she loves her and that she forgives her for everything. That might make her weak, but watching the love of your life bleed out beneath you does something to a person. Laura went to move past Danny, but was pushed back rather roughly by the taller girl. “But she cheated on you! You can’t be with someone like that. Karma got her though so it’s okay.”

 

Laura was at first confused about whether she was dreaming or not. Did Danny really just say that? “Excuse me?” Laura said. “Personally I think that she deserved what happened to her.” Danny said with a chuckle. Laura was seeing red. “How dare you?! She’s laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life right now, and you have the audacity to say that she deserved it to my face?” Danny tried giving Laura the same smile that at one point she liked a lot, but it only made Laura angrier. She didn’t realize she slapped Danny as hard as she did until she felt the stinging in her own hand. She moved past the tall ginger and made her way to her car, and then to the hospital.

 

* * *

 

 

Months past. Carmillas condition never changed, except she gradually was healing. Her cast had been removed from her leg and the bandage around her head was now only a small square of gauze over the stitches. The doctor said that her ribs had healed nicely, and her heart looked strong. Her lungs were a little worrying but as long as she was breathing she should be fine. She did take notice to the fact that rather than saying ‘When she wakes up,’ the doctor has taken to saying ‘if’. None the less the doctor had told her that if she wakes up she would probably need to be on assisted breathing for a while, and then would have to stay away from any sort of activity that would require her to breath more than normal.

 

Laura never lost hope though. She had taken to reading to Carmilla, and gossiping with her about the latest celebrity scandals. Every week night before she left she would lightly kiss Carmilla’s head and in a whisper she would beg her to wake up at that moment.

 

She never did.

 

She would spend the weekends in the room with Carmilla, alternating between playing on her phone and staring at Carmilla’s beautiful face. One day while she was playing a particularly hard level of Candy Crush she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked up and saw nothing, so she decided a nurse must have walked past the window to the room. She went back to her game, but again caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked up and stared in the general direction of where she saw the movement and then it caught her eye. Carmilla’s fingers were recoiling and stretching back out.

 

She looked up at Carmilla’s face right as she saw one of her eyes crack open for the first time in months. “Carmilla?” She asked quietly, ready to wake up from this dream any second. The girl cracked open her other eye and carefully, and rather shakily, brought her hand up to rub them. “Carmilla!” Laura jumped up and carefully brought Carmilla into her arms, being mindful of the wires and the fact that Carmilla probably hurt. The dark haired girl stiffened under Laura’s touch, a noise of discomfort coming from the back of her throat. “Oh sorry!” Laura said as she sat back and whipped tears from her eyes. She smiled down at Carmilla and was about to ask how she was feeling when Carmilla’s lips parted and she coughed. Laura grabbed her water bottle and opened it, gently holding it up to Carmilla’s lips and pouring a small amount into her mouth. The girl nodded when she was done and Laura put the bottle onto the table.

 

She stared at Carmilla because she could tell the girl wanted to say something. After a few minutes and a few coughs Carmilla’s voice came out very scratchy and rough, but it was music to Laura’s ears. “Where am I?” She asked. “You’re in the hospital sweetie. You got shot and hit by a car on your motorcycle. Do you remember?” Carmilla shook her head.

 

But then the most heartbreaking thing fell from her beautiful lips.

 

“Who are you?”

 

 


	2. Are you really you when you can't remember who YOU are?

_“Where am I?” She asked. “You’re in the hospital sweetie. You got shot and hit by a car on your motorcycle. Do you remember?” Carmilla shook her head._

__

_But then the most heartbreaking thing fell from her beautiful lips._

__

_“Who are you?”_

* * *

 

 

An hour or so after Carmilla had woken up, Laura sat listening to what the doctor had to say about Carmilla’s current issue.

“Well Miss Hollis, she certainly had a lot of trauma happen to her in her accident; Head trauma, body trauma, heart trauma. We lost her twice on the operating table, if you recall.” Laura nodded, and from the bed Carmilla made a gasping noise. “I died?” She asked in disbelief. The doctor turned his attention to her and gave her a curt nod, before returning his gaze to Laura, who nodded at him to continue. “She is, for lack of a better word, healthy. The only concern that I have is her lungs and now obviously her memory.” Laura looked over to Carmilla who was inspecting some scar wounds she had on her arm from being scraped up by the pavement.

“Will she regain her memory?” Suddenly Laura wasn’t 18 years old. She was an adult who was worrying for their partner and having to take on a very adult view of things. The doctor could only shrug with a disheartened smile. “It’s unlikely. Most patients who have memory loss usually at least remember _some_ aspects of themselves, but it seems Miss Karnstein here is a clean slate.” Laura looked over at Carmilla, who had taken an interest in the conversation and had her brows furrowed. “Is there anything you can do?” Laura asked hopefully. She knew that the answer would likely be negative but she had to ask anyways. She wouldn’t be Laura Hollis if she didn’t have hope.

The doctor sighed and shook his head. “Honestly, the best thing for her would be to stay here for a few more weeks. She’ll be monitored and well taken care of, of course. Maybe we can jog her memory a bit. I’d like to keep her under close observation to see if her mental state changes any.” Laura nodded, it seemed to be one of the only movements she could make. “The only problem with that is, I need a family member to sign a form saying that we can keep her here for observation.” Laura’s brow furrowed, matching Carmilla’s. “She’s 18 sir.” She said in a sort of ‘duh’ way. “But she has no idea who she is and is not of sound mind to make that decision for herself.”

“Well I’m her girlfriend, can’t I sign it?” Carmilla made a shocked noise, similar to her gasp from earlier. “You’re my girlfriend? I’m gay?” Her eyes were wide and she was staring at Laura. Laura smiled a bit, because despite Carmilla not knowing basically anything, she still managed to be cute. “Very.” Was all Laura said in response. She turned again to the doctor who had a small smile on his face. “I wish I could let you sign it Miss Hollis but I just simply can’t let anyone other than a family member sign.”

“Well good luck with that! Her mother is never around, her father is in prison, and her brother isn’t of age.” The doctor turned sorrowful eyes to the girl who was laying in bed, contemplating her newfound gay-ness. He hadn’t recalled anyone but Miss Hollis and her father visiting the poor girl. He could tell Miss Hollis loved Miss Karnstein very much, in fact everyone could. The nurses often spoke about how they wish they could one day find someone that looks at them, like the way Miss Hollis looks at Miss Karnstein.

“Well then I suppose she’ll have to sign her own discharge papers and be on her way. I’d like to keep her here for another day just to be sure that she’s able to be on her own. In the meantime I will try contacting her mother.” Laura helplessly nodded and watched as the doctor gave Carmilla a small wave and left the room, closing the door behind him. She turned her eyes towards Carmilla who was staring at her. She walked over to the chair that she had become very familiar with and settled down into it. “Hey.” She spoke, trying to keep all the shakiness out of her voice. “Hey.” Carmilla responded, not sure what else to say to this stranger who seemed to be the only person that was there for her. There was an awkward silence until Carmilla pipped up, “What’s my favorite color?” She asked Laura. The smaller girl looked up from where she had been staring at her hands and blew out a shaky breath as a smile crept onto her face.

“Red. If anyone else were to answer that they’d say black, but I know you love the color red.” Carmilla accepted this answer with a nod. “I do like red.” She said with a smile. “Your name is Laura right?” Laura’s heart squeezed a bit, but she responded with a broken, “Yes.”

“Well Laura, I have decided that I’m not going to be sad about this. I’m gonna be as happy as possible. You’ll be around to help me, won’t you?” Carmilla looked at Laura with the most earnest and hopeful eyes. Unbeknownst to Laura, they looked the same as when Carmilla had professed her love for the littler girl. “Yes of course I will Carm.” Laura responded. The dark haired girl’s nose bunched up in an adorable way. “Carm? Is that your nickname for me?” Laura nodded and smiled, “Ever since we were kids.”

“Oh wow! We’ve known each other that long?” Carmilla asked excitedly. Laura decided in that moment that she was going to take a page from Carmilla 2.0’s book and try to remain positive about this. Carmilla wasn’t frowning, she wasn’t pouting or feeling sorry for herself. She was instead trying to make an effort to re-get to know Laura. Laura couldn’t help but think to herself that in some twisted way, this might be what they needed. Both Carmilla and Laura had lost themselves somewhere in the past few years, and they were now given a chance to find themselves again. The situation was beyond messed up and truth be told Laura didn’t know if this was the best way to go about finding herself again, but Carmilla was alive despite all the odds being against her.

That was enough for Laura to push forward.

* * *

 

*Two years later*

Carmilla carefully sat herself down on the couch that had just a few hours before been placed in her new shared apartment. She was mindful of her bad leg and the coffee table’s legs that were only a foot away from the couch itself. “Laura?” She called. Laura popped her head from around the corner of the wall that separated the kitchen and the living room. “Yes?”

“The TV has a crack in it.” Laura came flying into the living room and stood directly in front of Carmilla’s field of vision of the TV, looking for the crack. There was a large crack going from the top left corner of the TV to the middle, where a spider web crack formed. “You have **got** to be kidding me.” She said lowly. “Those mover guys guaranteed perfection! This isn’t perfect!” Carmilla laughed, “Laura, honey you need to calm down. Did you get a warranty on the TV?”

Laura glared at Carmilla over her shoulder, “No I did not. Because someone said I wouldn’t need it.” Carmilla sheepishly slumped back into the couch, “Oh yeah.. I did say that, didn’t I?” Laura turned around and fixed her with a playful glare. “Yes you did. And now guess who’s going to be buying a brand new TV all on her own?” Carmilla pointed to herself with a sad look, “This sad cat.”

“Yes that sad, but cute, cat.” Laura said with a smile. She walked forward and took Carmilla’s head in between her hands and brought her forehead to her lips, leaving a soft kiss to the long but thin scar that was above her left eyebrow. Carmilla blushed a little and smiled up at Laura.

The last two years had been up and down, but the girls had formed a strong relationship. Laura kept saying it was because they were meant to be together, but for Carmilla it ran deeper then that. She would lie awake at night holding Laura in her arms and think to herself, ‘She’s my everything.’ No one else came to her aid when she got out of the hospital.

Her mother finally came home a week after she was discharged and merely told her to be more careful next time, to which Carmilla had no idea how to respond. Because in that moment the woman was a total stranger and Carmilla wasn’t even sure what she had done to be more careful of in the first place. Her brother instead of helping her, belittled her and poked fun at her memory loss. Asking her things like “What’s your favorite football team? Oh yeah, you wouldn’t know.” (She liked the Philadelphia Eagles _thank you very much_!)

Laura had truly been an angel. Her angel, as she liked to put it. It was almost inevitable that she fall in love with Laura. Some days she would get feelings of familiarity but they were fleeting and useless. They never pointed her in the right direction to any recollection of her old self, but that didn’t bother her too much. She had pretty much accepted the fact that she would never remember anything from her old life. Laura called her ‘Carm 2.0, the new and improved model.’

Carmilla liked that nickname for one simple reason: She was a better person now. She knew this for fact, because when she had gone home she was given access to her laptop and phone. The things that her old self had said and done was almost horrifying. About a year after the accident she showed Laura a few screen shots that she had taken, of what her former self had wrote in Facebook messages and text messages. Laura had smiled at her and placed a hand on her cheek and said, “That’s not who you are anymore Carm. I have to believe that was never you. I think you lost your way, but you’re finding it now. This is you.”

She had Laura’s father to thank as well. The man at first seemed indifferent towards her but as time went on he began to treat her with incredible kindness. The entire reason that they were able to afford the apartment they just moved into was because he was footing the bill. Neither Carmilla nor Laura knew exactly why the older man volunteered to pay for their living expenses, but neither of them complained either.

The dark haired girl snapped herself out of her thoughts when Laura sat beside her with a bit of a worried look. “Carm? You alright?” Carmilla nodded, “Yeah sorry, I spaced out. A lot of thoughts happen up here.” She gestured to her head with a bright smile. Laura laughed and leaned her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. The silence that followed was peaceful. They both looked around the living room of their new shared apartment in Paris and sighed contently.

Paris had been Laura’s idea. She said that it was one of Carmilla’s dreams to live there, and Carmilla could not deny that she felt a dream had come true. Weather the dream was living with Laura or living in Paris she wasn’t sure, but one (maybe both) had been fulfilled. They sat like that for about half an hour before Laura got up and carefully moved around Carmilla’s legs, being mindful of her bad one. “I’m going to go finish unpacking the kitchen stuff, then what do you say you and I go to that restaurant down the street?”

“Deal but only if I can help you unpack the kitchen.” Carmilla said with a knowing look. Laura was always hesitant to let her do anything strenuous like heavy lifting, but Carmilla was more than capable to help. Something that never escaped Laura’s mind was the image of Carmilla lying broken and bleeding on the pavement just beneath her fingertips almost two and a half years ago. Now a constant reminder of that was the limp that Carmilla had in her leg that had been crushed and broken under the weight of the car that ran her over. Not to mention the scars that littered her body.

“Just as long as you promise to be careful, and if you ask me for help when you need it.” Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Laura I’m not a child. I can help you out just fine.” She stood from the couch and made her way into the kitchen, very much aware that Laura was watching her limp by. The damned limp was the only thing that Carmilla had to complain about, well that and the amount of doctor appointments she needed to go to monthly. Luckily her doctor back home found her a great doctor in Paris who was going to see her in a few days. Apparently getting your heart nicked by a bullet is worrisome.

Both Laura and Carmilla set to work in the kitchen and within an hour they were done, and heading to the restaurant arm in arm. While Laura was staring at her phone, putting in walking directions to the restaurant, Carmilla was admiring the city. From where their apartment was you could see the Eiffel Tower in almost its entirety. The road they lived on was filled with shops, bakeries, and apartments. She looked over and smiled down at Laura who had her concentration face on, as she stared at her phone. Her tongue peeked out from her barely parted lips and her eyebrows were scrunched together and touching. “I don’t understand, Google said we past it already!” Carmilla only chuckled and stopped, causing Laura to stop abruptly and look up at her in confusion. Though when the smaller girl looked at where Carmilla stopped them she smiled. “Oh! You found it.” Carmilla nodded, “Yes I did, and what do you know I found it without the use of a GPS.”

Laura laughed and shoved Carmilla lightly in the direction of the restaurant, careful to not push too hard because of the girl’s limp. “Okay wiseguy, let’s just go in.” A pause, “I wonder if we can get patio seating.” She said more to herself then Carmilla. Carmilla merely shook her head with a smile, then walked up to the hostess and before she knew it words were flying from her mouth, “Une table pour deux s'il vous plait[1].”

Shock. That was the best word to describe the feeling both Carmilla and Laura had in that moment. The hostess simply nodded and walked them back outside and to the farthest table on the end of the patio strip. The only other occupied table was three tables away. They sat down, and stared at each other. “Carm..?” She asked in a shaky tone. “I.. I don’t know where that came from. It’s like my mouth just knew what to say and said it without my knowledge. I didn’t even know I could speak French. Can I speak French?” She asked Laura the last part in a whisper.

Laura didn’t know how to describe the feeling she was having right now. Could it be that after all this time the old Carmilla was still somewhere trapped in Carmilla 2.0? “You took French for five years in school.” Was all Laura could supply. Carmilla scrunched up her nose and gave Laura a miffed look. “That’s it? I just spew out an expert sentence in French and all you have to say is I took it for five years?”

“Carmilla, after your accident there has been no trace of the old you, other than your general like for the same things. Your favorite color, your wardrobe, your sarcasm. Then suddenly you’re speaking French fluently. I’m just as surprised as you.” Carmilla’s face softened.

Something she has to remind herself every so often is that Laura has known her, her whole life. Carmilla can only remember the last two years. “Sorry Laur, I guess it’s just odd.” Laura reached across the table and took the hand Carmilla had resting on the table in her own, just as a waiter walked up to take their order. “Bonjour, que voudriez-vous boire[2]?”

“Two glasses of water please.” Laura pipped up. “Ah, okay. I’ll go get that for you ladies.” He said in English but with a thick French accent.

The remainder of their time at the restaurant was fun. Laura always caught herself thinking just how much fun Carmilla was. She made Laura laugh more than any other person, which the old Carmilla did as well. Something that never changed about Carmilla was just how much Laura was enamored with her mind. Though the mind that Carmilla possessed now was a lot less crude, she still shared most of the same qualities as pre-accident Carmilla. They were both wildly intelligent, and could articulate themselves much better than the average 21 year old.

There was a corner deep in Laura’s mind that was ashamed (almost) to think of Carmilla as two separate people, but it was hard not to. Standing side-by-side she was sure that the Carmilla she knew her whole life and the Carmilla she knew now, would hate each other. Old Carmilla would call new Carmilla an “uptight bitch”. While new Carmilla would see nothing but an immature child with no self respect or respect for anyone else for that matter. They were completely different in so many ways, but also shared common interests, as Laura had pointed out earlier.

Even the way that they made love was different. Granted Laura never slept with Carmilla before the accident, but the way that Carmilla touches her now is different. Before the accident Carmilla would touch Laura with possessive, dirty fingers. She would try to coax Laura into doing more than she wanted, and would be rough with her when they would be in heated make-out sessions.

  
Carmilla now caressed her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Her finger tips would graze over her skin, setting it on fire and soothing it at the same time. There was still a hint of possessiveness, but not in the same way it was before. Now it felt less like ownership and more like “ _I can’t lose you_.” Which is something Carmilla has whispered to Laura when she thought that she was asleep.

Soon after they paid their bill, having thoroughly enjoyed their dinner, they were walking hand in hand back to their apartment in silence. Carmilla was again admiring the city, but Laura was deep in her own thoughts, mostly about how much she loved the girl she was currently holding onto. “Hey Carm?” She asked. “Yes?”

“I want you to know that I love you.” She stopped and planted herself in front of Carmilla, looking up at her. She reached up and placed her hands on the sides of Carmilla’s neck. “I love all of you. I love the good heart that you have, and I love your mind.” Carmilla scoffed. “You mean the mind that is permanently damaged and incapable of remembering anything past two years ago?” Apparently Laura’s earlier comment had made its mark.

“Just because you can’t remember it doesn’t mean it’s not there somewhere. You proved that theory many times before, but tonight you solidified it. You spoke fluent French! Which means that somewhere in there is your knowledge from before. Carmilla I love **you**.” She said, putting emphasis on the last word and poking a finger into the girl’s chest, then returned her hand to Carmilla’s neck. “I don’t care if you never regain your memories or if you suddenly wake up and remember how when we were 13 you shoved a worm down my bra.” Carmilla chuckled at that, not remembering this incident but finding it incredibly funny nonetheless. “You will always be you. You’ve never been afraid to be exactly who you are. You are vastly different than who you were back then, but to me it doesn’t matter. I loved you back then, thorns and all, and I love you now glitter and all.” Carmilla leaned down and pressed her lips against Laura’s in a soft kiss. When she pulled away she smirked down at Laura. “What?” She asked. “So glitter huh?” Laura huffed and grabbed her hand so that they could continue their walk home.

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] “Table for two please.”  
> [2] “Hello, what would you like to drink?”
> 
> Hey guys! So I want to apologize if my French is not correct! I have never taken any classes in this language, so I used Google Translate. I tried my best to make sure it was correct though. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave me a comment with your thoughts!


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